“Looks like Harry and Jimmy just might have to get married.” Big John Hudson likes to burst through the front door of the diner, slap his ball cap down on the big round table, and start the morning out with a comment that is sure to stir things up – just a bit.

Harry inhaled another forkful of biscuits and gravy, Jimmy mumbled a complaint about the texture of his scrambled eggs, and (as usual) neither paid any attention to Big John’s opening salvo.

“The Supreme Court says it’s okay for gay folks to get married,” continued Big John as he ignored being ignored and took his seat at the big round breakfast table, situated center stage at the diner. “Justice Krakhead, or Kennebunkport, or some guy with a New Englandish sounding name says that everyone has a right to intimacy.”

“Well then, John, you just might be able to get a girlfriend after all,” offered Tommy Jones, the elder statesman of the morning communal breakfast gathering. “I didn’t know anyone could guarantee a right to intimacy. But, if that’s the case, I think you’d better write your Congressman and complain about how the government isn’t satisfying your rights.”

“That’s not the guy’s name. It’s Justice Kookoomeijer, or something like that,” corrected Jimmy as only Jimmy could. He had read in the newspaper about the Supreme Court’s decision, essentially making gay marriage a federally recognized state of affairs. As usual, Jimmy had a few observations to share. “He did things all wrong. He shouldn’t have made gay marriage legal — he should have made all marriage illegal. I mean all marriages — straight, gay, bi-coastal.”

“You might be on to something,” offered Harry. “But, I doubt it.” If Jimmy was going to wade into Big John’s pot stirrings, then Harry felt obligated to toss in his handful of mud. “I know a guy that’s been married so many times, the houses that judges have given to his ex-wives could start a small subdivision.”

“The only people really benefiting from marriage are wedding planners and divorce lawyers.” Firewalker joined in (Big John had done his job), “Now, those folks just doubled their business potential.”

“If two people really want to get together, and stay together, they should not have a marriage ceremony — they should have a ‘Howdy Doody Ceremony.’” Jimmy continued with his tirade. “They should have to put everything they own — and everything they ever will own, together — into one big pot. If they ever break up, everything gets taken away and they both have to start over from scratch.”

“What would be the sense in that?” queried Big John as he tried to figure out where the mess he had created was heading.

“A lot more people would slow down and think about what it really means to get married — and really stop and think about what it means to get divorced.”

“But why call it a ‘Howdy-Doody Ceremony?’” asked Firewalker.

“Because it’s only for big dummies and there are a lot of strings attached.”

 

Larry Wilson is a mostly lifelong resident of Niles. His optimistic “glass full to overflowing” view of life shapes his writing. His essays stem from experiences, compilations and recollections from friends and family. Wilson touts himself as “a dubiously licensed teller of tall tales, sworn to uphold the precept of ‘It’s my story; that’s the way I’m telling it.’” He can be reached at wflw@hotmail.com.