When it first broke, the story of a Berrien Springs mother who handcuffed her 16-year-old son to a chair in a small, virtually empty room for a week, keeping him handcuffed to a desk at night while he slept, seemed to raise a few eyebrows.

This week, Berrien County Prosecutor Art Cotter announced the parents of the boy would not face criminal charges, but rather the matter would be handled within the realms of family court.

The matter creates the opportunity for several areas of debate, such as what constitutes child abuse; where the line is in telling parents how to discipline their children; and whether the legal system is too lax in this case or other cases of child abuse and neglect, creating too much margin for error when it comes to our younger members of society.

But what raised my own eyebrows were comments made on news sites who posted the story.

There were those who thought the punishment may not have been reasonable, but the reasons behind the punishment were. There were those who thought it perfectly appropriate to handcuff a teenager to a piece of furniture because — and I’m paraphrasing — it’s just so darn hard to discipline kids these days. They get all bent out of shape when they get grounded and you know, they can be all rebellious and stuff and who really wants to deal with that?

Not to mention — still paraphrasing — the kid shoplifted. Save the state some money in the fees and costs connected to correctional facilities and just yank all the electronics out of the mudroom.

Honey, get the ‘cuffs.

I can’t help but wonder when we, as a collective society, lost our sense of perspective.

If handcuffing children to a chair or a table were normal, we’d all be doing it. But we’re not. Because it’s not normal.

The question does not go to the merit of these particular family members, all of whom are now hopefully getting counseling and being helped so such a situation doesn’t happen again.

The question, also, does not go to what it means to be a good parent.

The question goes to when did we suddenly lose sight of right, wrong, the balanced and the extreme?

Justifying handcuffing a child because he or she might be disrespectful or unruly is just in bad taste. And to those who think it makes a good argument, it doesn’t. It just makes you sound inept and defensive and raises questions as to why you might be defensive.

What is most disturbing in situations such as these is the fact that those under the microscope for their actions never thought of asking for help in the first place.

In a world where there are so many avenues for service, so many who are passionate about prevention when helping families with serious trouble that could lead to serious problems, why is that not the first thought that crosses the mind?

That is what is most disturbing.

Why is reaching out to friends, family, pastors or specialists second to finding a chain and some handcuffs? That seems like a lot of work even for some tough love.

Where is the perspective?

If you feel the need to defend such an action and try to find reason in it — such as one commenter on a news site I had read through, who said it was OK for police to handcuff criminals, so why couldn’t a parent handcuff a child who had been shoplifting — you’re probably someone who should be asking yourself how you lost yours. Because — newsflash — it’s gone.

If you’re resorting to such actions or even considering them — odds are, you’re having family problems that are so beyond the norm. If you’re not asking for help, you’re doing yourself and your children a disservice.

To learn more about child abuse and neglect, visit the Child Welfare Information Agency, part of the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, at www.childwelfare.gov.

If you’re feeling as though your having trouble with your family and your children and you don’t know which way to turn, you can also start by taking a look at the services available through Child and Family Services of Southwestern Michigan, online at www.sfsswmi.org, including the Link Crisis Intervention Center, which provides “shelter, counseling, aftercare, outreach and community education services to runaway, homeless and at-risk youth and their families” in the area.

Jessica Sieff is a reporter for Leader Publications. Reach her at jessica.sieff@leaderpub.com.