…sang Russia.

Well, for those who were just full of curiosity about what Sarah Palin, former governor of Alaska’s next move would be – and I’m sure all of you were balancing on the edge of your seats…

Here’s some not-so-breaking news.

She quit her job that she peddled like a cheap Rolex, co-authored a book about herself (after that resignation speech, the world knows she’s not writing anything else on her own), most likely took part in some interview boot camp just to be able to keep time with Oprah Winfrey and now, ladies and gentlemen, Sarah Palin has been hired on as a not-so “news analyst” at Fox News.

An odd choice, one might think, for a woman who last year made it clear she couldn’t name a single news publication of which she was a reader.

But that’s no challenge for Fox News. No siree. No news reading needed to work at that crackerjack network.

Palin made her debut on, appropriately, “The O’Reilly Factor” Wednesday night and I must say, it was pretty interesting to watch.

For one, I can’t remember a single time any other “news analyst’s” name was listed as “former governor” with their political affiliation right next to it, Sarah Palin (R), as was done during her first few minutes into the show.

Secondly, I found her professional “analysis” intriguing, which pretty much amounted to “Obama needs to stop talking about sanctions against Iran.” I love tuning into a cable news network to hear “analysis” that amounts to those sound bites that scroll across the bottom of the screen. Yes, of course other people do this too. I am not talking about other people today.

And I’ll grant Palin this – Nancy Pelosi is certainly deserving of a little dig here and there. Don’t get me wrong – I am all about making fun of some politicians. However, a gal who talks and tweets while on government time about hunting in the forests of Alas-KAH and owns waders for when she’s officially going fishing probably shouldn’t make jokes about the speaker of the house giving school children a tour of the capitol building by saying she was surprised “she had that time on her hands.”

And memo to Bill O’Reilly, we know fact checking is tedious and we all get things wrong from time to time. So do me a favor and jot this down on a Post-It: Sarah Palin is not governor of anything. She quit. Like, really, really quit. So you don’t need to address her as “governor.”

And while those Post-Its are out, jot one down for Mrs. Palin: if you’re a journalist now, maybe you should not bash real, actual journalists. They’ve all probably been reporting news longer than you’ve been reading it.

Since this week everyone has been given a glimpse of the damage that can come from poor programming (Jay, Conan), allow me to throw out a few ideas for your future with Fox and pitch – “Six Packs and Lipstick.”

In Mrs. Palin’s neighborhood, life opens with a catchy theme song, over a vast, Alaskan scene, our host bouncing with that vacant look that sits on her face, down a dusty pathway and coming through a door where she slips off her business jacket and throws on some waders and in the land of make believe is queen of not just the United States but Canada too! And Mexico! And … Russia!

My beef with Palin’s new gig doesn’t have to do with her political affiliation. Politicians – right wing, left wing – they’re all equally annoying.

My beef lies in the fact that active political figures have no place on journalism’s page – and that goes for all networks. Since Fox News has helped the American people forget what this institution was founded upon in the first place, a reminder: it was built upon the role of watchdog. Especially for government.

So it would seem pretty inappropriate, pretty biased and pretty misleading to those interested in “fair and balanced” news to have a political figure working for political gain to sit on the airwaves and try to inform the public. Fox employs commentators and entertainers and should clearly market themselves that way. But they don’t.

And yet Palin is no politician. And that’s what bothers me most.

In a medium where we’re supposed to tell the truth, Palin refuses to come clean with her ambitions. If she is as smart as she likes to pretend she is, she has no plans to run for president with any real desire. She can ride this cheap thrill of conservative hope and fascination with her, reaping its financial benefits for the next three years as conservative calendar girl. If that’s it – if she’s just getting hers while she can, then, alright. But own up.
She quit her job, sold out for a seven-figure book deal, did the media circuit and the book tour and is raking money in by the Alaskan truckload. Now, she’s guaranteed a paycheck at a news organization that will only inflate with its cheap, superficial ratings.

Hey, if that’s your bag, I’m not one to judge. Just say so. Don’t hop up to the news desk pretending to be a political hopeful, pretending to be a journalist.

Or as they say in Mrs. Palin’s adversarial Hollywood…

“Sell crazy someplace else. We’re all stocked up here.”

Jessica Sieff is a reporter for the Niles Daily Star. Reach her at
jessica.sieff@leaderpub.com.