By Staff
Old Cardinal Charlie had quite a frightening situation not too long ago.
My child bride wife has called me a dingbat, and has even told me I had bats in my belfry, but this was not my problem.
Old Charlie had a bat in his bedroom.
It all started when I got up about 3:30 a.m. to use the facilities.
After going back to bed and not being able to get back to sleep, I turned on my TV, which will normally put me right back to la la land.
It was just a matter of a few minutes when out of nowhere came this giant grand daddy of a bat flying around and around in my bedroom.
It zoomed closer and closer to me, but never hit me.
It finally landed on my bedroom window curtain.
I reached under my bed and grabbed one of my old antique tennis rackets from my collection.
I think it was a Don Budge autographed one from the 1930s or '40s.
Being an expert tennis player in my earlier days, I proceeded to give that sucker the best of my forehand and backhand.
I found out bats are almost impossible to hit with their God-given sonar ability. After he kept me awake for quite some time, he disappeared finally.
I fell asleep and didn't wake up until 6:30 or 7 a.m. with my TV blaring and the bedroom light still on.
I knew the critter was still in the bedroom someplace as the door had been closed all night.
I made a note to Peg saying bat in my bedroom and don't open my door.
I taped it on my bedroom door so she wouldn't open it when she got up.
The next night after going to bed, about 11:30, Mr. Bat reappeared.
I again went to work with my trusty old tennis racket and this time I was successful in putting the bat into bat heaven.
In talking to my neighbor and other friends, I found I wasn't the only one who has had bat trouble.
John Meiser had one a few years ago and the Joe Bournays up at Bangor had one in their house. It flew into their cuckoo clock, which he took outside.
The Dee Walkers told me they once had the bat problem also.
And when I told Helen Leich about my ordeal, she said they found a couple of dead bats up in their attic once.
I found it interesting that "flutter-mouse" is an old-fashioned name for a bat, as their body looks somewhat like a mouse.
Also, ban guano is a valuable fertilizer and their wing spread is 12 inches (looks twice that size when they fly around in your room).
Bats send out sound waves that strike any object in the path of flight and it sends back echoes to the bat's ears, which tells the bat which way to turn to avoid a collision.
I guess this is similar to sonar on a submarine.
Too bad that Batman and Robin were not around to help me, but I guess they're too busy on TV, in movies and in comic books.