As people all across the U.S. stand up for victims of domestic violence during National Crime Victims’ Rights Week, Leader Publications takes a closer look at the problem in southwest Michigan. To start the series, a Cass County woman shares her story with the masses, in hopes of making a difference in other victims’ lives.

Lit by the moonlight on a windy evening last fall, Cassopolis resident Nichole Johnson wrapped her arms around herself to ward off the first signs of the autumn chill.

“I just want you guys to know that I’m very, very nervous,” Johnson said, addressing a crowd attending a domestic violence vigil outside the Cass District Library. “This is a lot different than being in front of my camera back home and talking to whoever is on the other side. So, please bear with me.”

Taking a deep breath to calm the shaking her voice, Johnson continues, going on to share her family’s darkest secrets to the world, something she was trained her whole life not to do.

“Growing up, I kept my mother’s secrets. I witnessed domestic violence, but I knew better than to talk about it,” she said. “But women are dying from this. We can’t let [domestic violence] live in the dark any longer. We need to bring it to the light.”

Johnson, 45, is a mother of three who works in housekeeping with the Cass County Medical Care Facilities. She also has a YouTube channel called HeyNikkiNic, where she posts videos about her weight loss journey and the struggles she needs to overcome to lose weight.

In one video, Johnson shared her personal experience with domestic violence and shared it with her more than 300 channel subscribers. Though she did not know it at the time of upload, the video would lead to her sharing her story on other public platforms, giving a voice to other women who have suffered from domestic violence.

Her story

The abuse started when Johnson was a child, but she was not the target. Her mother was.

At the time, her mother was dating a man Johnson refers to as “Jay.”

The first time Johnson remembers Jay beating her mother was when Johnson was just 5 years old. The morning after the couple got into an argument, Johnson remembers waiting for hours for her mother to come out of her room and make sure she was OK. When her mother finally did emerge, she was wearing a full length robe that covered her from neck to ankle.

“I remember knowing, even at 5, that she was hiding something,” Johnson said.

It would not be the last time that Johnson’s mother would hide bruises from her children. Jay would continue to beat Johnson’s mother for the entire time that Johnson lived in her mother’s home.

Eventually, the abuse extended to Johnson’s younger sister, of whom Johnson is very protective, she said.

Jay split her sister’s lip over a run-up phone bill. This was one of the final straws for Johnson, who moved out of her mother’s home not long after, once she turned 18.

Johnson attempted to get her mother to leave Jay, but was unsuccessful. Jay and her mother went on to marry and have a child and remained together until her mother’s death from a heart attack at the age of 44.

Her journey

Despite the horrors she witnessed as a child, Johnson never breathed a word of her story to anyone outside the family, due to the fact that her mother actively discouraged her from doing so.

“My mother said, ‘this is house business,’” Johnson recalled. “‘You don’t share house business.’”

Johnson took her mother’s words to heart, and kept her family’s secrets for decades, which she said “ate away at her.”

That all changed in March 2017, when she uploaded a video on her channel titled “Link between abuse and my obesity,” where she detailed many of the details of her childhood.

In the video, sitting in front a camera in her living room, Johnson told the world, for the first time, the same story she shared at the vigil, while doing her best to keep her emotions in check.

“My channel was originally just about my weight loss, but along the way, a lot of things that kept me fat I wanted to do deal with,” Johnson said while wearing a silver necklace with her YouTube channel name engraved on it. “I wanted to deal with everything, all the demons that come up. That way I can deal with them, and the abuse was one of them.”

Eventually, the video was seen by a high school friend of Johnson’s, Deborah Hackworth, who currently serves as the director of Advocacy Services for Domestic and Sexual Abuse Services in Cass County.

“I saw the video, and I thought that so much of it was things that I teach about working with children who witness violence and the trauma that it causes,” Hackworth said. “Her transparency was really inspiring.”

Hackworth then reached out to Johnson, asking permission to use her video in training courses for DASAS. Johnson agreed.

“When I shared her video with my staff and interns and volunteers, it was just so impactful,” Hackworth said. “[After seeing the video], people were feeling comfortable to share their own experiences [with domestic violence]. I thought, ‘this message could change so many lives.’”

Once the video had made several rounds through DASAS, Hackworth asked Johnson to share her story in front of a group of people for the domestic violence awareness vigil in October.

“When I shared my story on my channel, all I had in front of me was my camera, which even though a lot of people see it, is in a lot of ways is easier than public speaking,” Johnson said. “On the inside, I was really saying no, I didn’t want to do it, but I know that I grow when I am uncomfortable.”

Her courage

Despite her reservations, Johnson spoke at the vigil, receiving a heavy round of applause for sharing her story.

“It’s really hard to talk about these things, both on my channel and in person,” she said. “But I think it’s important for what I’m trying to promote with my channel, which is self love.”

Johnson said that she does not regret sharing her story on any platform and that she hopes that by sharing her story, she is able to help other women who may be going through something similar to what she went through.

“I think it’s important to talk about and bringing awareness to [domestic violence],” Johnson said. “A lot of women look up to other women, and will listen to other women. You think, ‘I never would have thought this would have happened to this person, and if she can talk about it, I can talk about it, too.’ You never know what is going on with the person you are talking to. You may think they are just listening to you, but you may be helping them get out of the situation that they are in.”

It is important for women like Johnson to share their experiences with domestic violence, because it shines a light on an issue that is too often swept under the rug, Hackworth said.

“If we stop hiding and taking on the shame and the guilt that belongs to abusers, then other women and children will know they are not alone and there is hope,” Hackworth said. “Domestic violence thrives in the dark. We need to bring it out into the open.”

In the future, Johnson plans to continue growing her channel and sharing her journey through that medium. She also may continue to share her story through public speaking events, as multiple sources have approached her about the prospect.

“If this is the plan God has for me, I will not fight along the way. I will follow the plan,” Johnson said. “I will continue to share my story and my journey.”