“I think I may get back into politics.”

Arnold Tobin had finished his ham and cheese omelet, took a couple more sips of his freshly poured coffee, and pushed his full belly back from the big round table occupying the middle of Sarah’s Diner.

“From what I’m hearing in the news, the time may be right to launch my campaign.”

“Getting back into politics?” questioned Tommy Jones with a smirk. “Don’t you have to win an election to be in politics?”

As an octogenarian, Tommy has seen his fair share of never-before politicians come and go, like the defense attorney for Doctor Death running for Governor of Michigan, a professional wrestler running for Governor of Minnesota and a beauty pageant mogul running for President of the United States.

“You don’t have to win, but it helps,” explained Arnold. “Politicians that lose elections become opinion commentators on one of those 24-hour news channels. The network pays them to sharpen their political game. It’s kinda’ like what spring training used to be for the Cubbies.”

“Not all politicians get on TV after failed election campaigns,” Jimmy chimed in. “Some of them were on TV first, and then got into politics, like that guy from Saturday Night Live. What’s his name?”

“Alec Baldwin? Al Franken?  Joe Biden?” The suggestions came from all corners of the round table.

“Nope. Bill Kristol. He was on SNL and then he was with Meg Ryan in a restaurant.”

“That’s Billy Crystal,” laughed Harry. “Bill Kristol used to own the Republican Party before Donald Trump bought it.”

“What makes you think the time is right for you to get back into politics,” asked Tommy, knowing full well he wasn’t going to like the answer.

“It’s the perfect time to run for office,” gushed Arnold. “All the politicians are quitting because they finally got caught being the scuzz buckets that everyone already knew they were. Ted Nugent keeps talking about running for governor. Kid Rock has been talking about running for senator. There is all kinds of room for an up-and-coming, sharp-witted, civic-minded person to step in and fill the void.”

“Like when you pull your foot out of the bottom of a pigsty and all the ooze fills in the hole where your boot once was,” asked Big John Hudson.

Everyone around the table nodded their heads in agreement with Big John’s analogy.

“So who is this up-and-coming, sharp-witted, civic-minded person, standing knee deep in pig slop?” asked Jimmy.

“And what credentials do you have to be a politician in the national spotlight?” asked Harry.

“Forty years ago, I made a pass at a 15-year-old girl,” Arnold divulged, as if he was being interviewed by an investigative reporter from ABC.

“Forty years ago, you were 15 years old,” scoffed Tommy.

“I know,” grinned Arnold. “It gives me street cred.”

Larry Wilson is a mostly lifelong resident of Niles. His optimistic “glass full to overflowing” view of life shapes his writing. His essays stem from experiences, compilations and recollections from friends and family. Wilson touts himself as “a dubiously licensed teller of tall tales, sworn to uphold the precept of ‘It’s my story; that’s the way I’m telling it.’” He can be reached at wflw@hotmail.com.