Larry Gordon wrote a letter to his ex-wife saying he was going to “go on the run or die trying,” prior to killing two court officers during a failed escape attempt at the Berrien County Courthouse in St. Joseph July 11.

Detectives found the letter approximately five hours after the fatal shooting. It was located in the dorm where the Coloma man was staying at the Berrien County Jail, according to Det. Greg Sanders, of the Berrien County Sheriff’s Department.

In the letter, Gordon, who was facing kidnapping and sexual assault charges, wrote that he was not willing to go to prison for the rest of his life. He explained that he was sorry and asked for forgiveness because he was going to attempt to run or die trying.

Gordon, who was awaiting a court hearing, was able to wrestle a gun away from a deputy. He was ultimately shot and killed by responding public safety officers, but not before killing court officers Joe Zangaro and Ron Kienzle, and injuring a deputy. A female, one of eight people taken hostage by Gordon, was also shot, but survived.

Gordon’s letter was one of several pieces of information revealed Friday by investigators during a press conference at the Berrien County Large Conference Room in Benton Harbor.

Investigators also released video and audio recordings of courtroom 315 (where the incident began) and the area outside courtroom 315 at the time of the incident, which occurred over a span of less than four minutes between 2:19 p.m. and 2:22 p.m.

Although the videos did not show any of the fatal shootings, people can be seen fleeing the courtroom after hearing gunshots and screams coming from off camera.

Sanders said no video exists of the shooting deaths of Zangaro and Kienzle.

Another camera in the lobby of the courtroom shows deputies advancing on Gordon, who at one time took eight people hostage.

Berrien County Sheriff Paul Bailey opened the press conference by asking everyone to keep the families of the victims in their prayers and thoughts.

“This incident had a lasting impact on us all and we are beginning to move forward,” he said, “but remember the sacrifice that both Joe and Ron made while protecting others.”

Bailey said he and others are reviewing the incident to determine what changes can be made to make sure something similar never happens again, although he said he would not go into specifics at this time.

Bailey said the investigation is ongoing and that the department is still awaiting the final autopsy reports and ballistic evidence reviews.

Sanders provided a summary timeline of events leading to the shooting, but said the details may change as the investigation continues. He also said the investigation has led him to believe that Gordon was the lone actor in this incident and that no one else participated in any way.

TRANSCRIPT OF LARRY GORDON’S LETTER:

Baby,

I just wanted to say I’m truly sorry for everything I’ve ever said or done to you. You gave me everything and loved me no matter what until the very end. Now my name, reputation, family and life has all been ruined and taken away. I guess this is what I deserve. I just can’t believe that I can’t have my girls anymore!!!

Please just always watch over our little girl and never let anything happen to her and let her know every day that her DaDa loves her always and forever. I hope that one day you girls will forgive me for messing up our family and our lives. Just know baby that I did and still do really love you. I’ll probably never see either of you again, but I guess I’ll die trying!!!

Baby they want to send me away for the rest of my life. I don’t deserve that. That’s not living. I’m not going to do it!!!

Please tell my mom, sister and kids that I love them and that I’m sorry. I’m not trying to take my life, I’m just trying to get free. Life on the run is better than doing the next 15. The deck is stacked against me and I can’t see or talk to my Baby Cakes so it makes my choice a lot easier (if I get free!!!).

I’ll be in hiding babe and if you every have a problem just post it on FB. I’ll come take care of it like Superman I’ll be on my way. I just hope that it all works out. If not I guess 6 will be carrying me out. I gotta try!!!

You didn’t deserve a lot of what I put you through and I can’t say I’m sorry enough but I know I don’t deserve what your doing to me now. Love you always no matter what.

Please tell (redacted) one day that her DaDa did not do any of that other stuff (redacted) It’s all a lie.

Love you always,

Larry