By Staff
Four grown-up children in four different states, three sets of new in-laws, two parents, no longer together and one grandchild – and a partridge in a pear tree.
Christmas is a time of joy, but also confusion, hurt, expense and problems.
Tradition is wonderful.
It's what we look forward to every year. It might be the same favorite dishes on the holiday table, the recipe handed down for generations.
Many a year I served my spaghetti for Christmas dinner, because it was requested.
Chicken and dumplings were also big, until the year I burned them.
Getting out the special box of ornaments and hanging them ever so carefully might be the task of the eldest child, or the only girl.
I was thrilled the year my mother wrapped these tiny ceramic bells up and gave them to me for my tree.
I had such memories of hearing them ringing when we took the tree outside after Christmas, and saving them, after they were almost forgotten in the branches.
Setting up the nativity set, arranging all the animals, wasn't a chore for my daughter, she loved it. Last year I gave her my ceramic set with its wooden stable, to start a new tradition at her house with her new husband.
When the children were little, Santa always brought our tree. They leaned their ears against the closed and sealed door to listen to the elves working.
At a certain age they got to help the elves work.
The look of wonder on their faces when they saw the tree and all the presents underneath was worth any trouble and work. (Except the year the tree fell over, after being completely decorated.)
Now though, we are much more a mobile society than in the time when grandparents lived just a sleigh ride down through the woods.
Parents have split and joined with other spouses, who may have also have had previous families, children and grandparents.
Christmas isn't a big wonderful family gathering for all any more.
Marrying into a family whose Christmas is centered on Christmas Eve, might conflict with how the other siblings want to celebrate.
The larger the family, with additional son-in-laws and the problems increase.
Who goes to whose house when and where, is there a big enough place or enough time to open all the gifts?
Suddenly Christmas seems to have lost much of its original meaning.
I remember one Christmas, when instead of traveling pregnant, with two other children in tow, to first the in-laws on Christmas Eve, my parents on Christmas morning and my ex's big family party Christmas afternoon, I rebelled.
I didn't feel well and I opted to stay home. It was one of the most relaxing Christmas holidays I ever had. I let those who wished to see me come to my home.
This Christmas isn't any easier. Having only one grandchild (and niece for the three siblings) it is like she has rubber arms and we are pulling in all directions.
We all want to experience that wonder of Christmas that can only be reflected in the eyes of a young child.
It is also the time for new families to start their own Christmas traditions for when they have children.
This is one case where I believe it is better to give than receive. I give my children the freedom to decide where they want to go and what they want to do themselves.
Sometimes the choice will be to remain, or to alternate years with in-laws. When they start a family, the trip to the Midwest in winter might just be impossible.
Christmas doesn't have to just be on just one day, it can be in our hearts. It won't be easy, but the best is to accept their decisions and still wish all a Merry Christmas.